(Un)Leashed
by TheSongSmith
Summary: Maybe Gabriel was right. Maybe it is time to take a leap of faith. NSFW, Dom!Dean, Sub!Cas
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So after weeks of writer's block I've been writing furiously, and this is what happened. Let me know what you think!**

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><p>Cas sighs, loosening his tie as he climbs the up the final flight of stairs to his apartment. It was a terrible day, and every part of him aches to collapse into bed and not move for as long as possible. He opens the door, mood lifting a little as he enters the warm apartment, hanging up his coat and dropping his briefcase heavily to the floor before heading to the kitchen. Halfway there, he pauses, unbelieving of what he sees. Turning, his throat closes around an aborted scream. Sitting casually on the leather couch is a man. Well dressed in a dark suit, tall and broad-shouldered, with the sharpest eyes Castiel has ever seen, a deep green that darkens with the predatory smile gracing the man's lips. Cas' mind spins, trying to figure out how he ended up here. The door should have been locked. The only other person with a key is…Gabriel. A sudden horrible thought occurs to him; a memory of last week's Sunday dinner, when Gabriel was prodding him about his sex life. He'd joked that if his current condition went on much longer, he was going to have to hire somebody for him. At least, Cas had thought he was joking. Now, staring at the man in his living room, he's not so sure. He swallows, trying to figure out what to do, and the man watches him curiously, his head tilted to the side. <p>

"You're late," he says. The voice startles Cas out of his thoughts, low and rough, but oddly soothing. No, wait. He's not supposed to think that about the stranger in his apartment. Even if the slight growl in it makes him shiver. Cas opens his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. He closes it and tries again. Still nothing. Suddenly he realizes that the man has crossed the room to stand in front of him, still piercing him with his eyes, and he belatedly tries to step back, only to be stopped by the hand around his wrist. It's not really tight enough stopping him from pulling away, but his body freezes up anyway at the silent order. 

"I-I think there's been a mistake," he manages finally, his voice cracking. 

The man doesn't falter, but his smile softens a little around the edges. "You're Castiel Novak, aren't you?" A little shiver runs through Cas at the sound of his name coming out of this man's mouth, and he's not sure it's ever sounded so beautiful. It's all he can do to nod dumbly in answer. "Then there's no mistake. You can call me Dean." He moves slowly around Cas' frozen body, his fingers trailing lightly up from his wrist to wrap around the smaller man's throat. Castiel flinches, expecting the hand to tighten, but it doesn't, just rests there, almost reassuring in its gentleness, and Cas feels his pounding heart slow down as if he's not in a precarious position. He can feel Dean's heat behind him, so close, yet not touching anywhere but the hand at his throat. Suddenly he can't decide if Dean is really there at all, or if his fantasies have gotten so out of control that he's completely lost his mind. He's never told anyone about his secret interests; kept it tucked away safely for the lonely nights when he could lie in bed with his laptop and imagine giving his carefully manufactured control to someone, someone like Dean, and suddenly he wants to lose himself in it, fantasy or not; wants it so much that he doesn't even realize that Dean's started to talk again. 

"I'm not going to hurt you," he's murmuring, so close to Cas' ear that his hot breath makes him shiver. "Not in any way you don't like." Cas can hear the smirk in his voice. "I know you want this," he continues, his thumb stroking absently against the pulse in Cas' neck, which suddenly picks up again. "And I also know you're uncomfortable accepting that." Slowly, he shifts around until he's back in Castiel's view. "You need help letting go. That's what I'm here for. You can pull away if you want, and never see me again, and I won't stop you. Or you can take a deep breath, relax, and let me help. You can trust me. It's up to you." 

Cas looks up into Dean's face, expecting firm lines and cold eyes, but is surprised by the amount of patience and compassion he finds instead. His expression is soft, like he's encouraging Cas to give in to what he wants, and for some reason it puts him at ease, despite every warning he tries to give himself. His mind is already made up, even though this is crazy, and Dean is a stranger, and he's putting his life into a stranger's hands. But he takes a deep breath, forcing himself to relax as he lets it out, and gives a short nod. Dean smiles brightly, genuinely pleased. He leans closer until his breath brushes past Castiel's ear again. "Good boy," he murmurs, and Cas tries to determine if the whimper he heard at the praise had really come from his own throat. Dean grins, confirming his suspicions, and he blushes. "Don't worry," Dean chuckles. "I liked it. Now, you must be hungry. So strip and then join me." 

A jolt of surprise runs through him, and he opens his mouth to protest, to backpedal, to do something, but Dean's finger against his lips silences him. "No talking." Cas stays frozen in place, a little worry line forming between his eyebrows, and Dean's expression softens. "Alright, listen. Your word is Impala. You decide it's too much, all you have to do is say it, and everything stops. I promise." Realizing that Dean is giving him a way out, Cas relaxes again, clutching the word to his chest like a security blanket and nodding again. Dean smiles, his thumb running lightly along Cas' jaw, a reward, before he turns away to sit down on the couch, pulling off his jacket, rolling up his sleeves, and beginning to flip channels as if watching Cas strip is of no interest to him. Cas hesitates, but takes a breath, deciding that if he's going to do this he has to do it all the way. His fingers find the top button of his dress shirt, fumbling over a few before he slides it off, laying it over the back of the chair. He watches Dean carefully, but the other man doesn't turn around, seemingly at ease in the living room. Cas quickly rids himself of the rest of his clothes, telling himself that he's crazy, before slowly walking to stand by the arm of the couch. 

Dean glances over, his eyes raking over Cas' suddenly trembling body once before he smiles. "Come join me." Cautiously, Cas moves to settle on the couch, but Dean makes a disapproving sound and points to the floor beside his feet, where one of the larger throw pillows has been set. Cas hesitates for a moment to reign in his sudden arousal at finally doing this after imagining it so many times, then slowly sinks to his knees on the pillow. He can hear Dean's smile in the murmured "Good boy," he receives, and it helps him relax, settling back on his heels and watching as Dean picks up a tray of food from the coffee table, starting to eat it slowly and paying Castiel no mind. Cas panics for a moment, and it takes him a minute to realize that he's less terrified of actually doing this than he is at how comfortable and easy it was to submit to a virtual stranger. But the absent-minded hand through his hair brings him back, soothing some of the fear, and Cas finds himself leaning into Dean's leg. "Did you eat before you came home today?" he asks the way he'd ask anybody who wasn't kneeling at his feet. 

Cas hesitates, remembering the no-talking rule, but figuring that rule is lifted when he's being asked a question. "No…Sir," he manages. 

A brief smile lights up Dean's face, and he's rewarded with a lightly swipe of fingers against the back of his neck. He hears the clink of the fork on the plate before there's a forkful of food in front of him. He regards it carefully, unsure of what to do until Dean's gruff command of "Open." Though initially mortified at being fed, the shame starts to fade when Cas realizes he likes it, and he willingly takes the food that's put in front of him. After dinner Dean picks up a small bowl of fruit, spearing a grape with his fork and offering it silently to Cas, who takes it happily. Then the fork disappears, and a chunk of pineapple is in front of him, except it's suspended between Dean's fingers. Cas gasps softly, feeling his already half-hard cock waking up at the idea. Dean doesn't mention it, just rests the edge of the fruit against Cas' bottom lip and waits for him to accept it. Closing his eyes, he leans forward, taking the fruit into his mouth along with Dean's fingers, which he suckles lightly, the pineapple mixing with the taste of him, salty and warm and very pleasant. He can't help the soft, low moan that escapes him. Dean makes a small, surprised sound, and Cas tenses, wondering if he's done something wrong, but the gentle stroke through his hair and Dean's soft chuckle settle his nerves. "God Cas, you're perfect," he murmurs. Cas blushes under the praise, letting his cheek rest against Dean's knee and his eyes close, obediently accepting whatever is offered to him and being sure to thoroughly clean Dean's fingers after each piece. 

"Come on up here," Dean says after a while. Cas stands, moving to sit on the couch, but Dean stops him, gently turning him towards the TV and guiding him back until he sits in Dean's lap, straddling his legs and leaning back against his chest. It's a little too vulnerable, with Dean clothed and Cas' legs resting outside of Deans, exposed, but Dean keeps his arm wrapped firmly around Cas' waist, holding him still, and the tension that creeps into his posture is pushed out when Dean plants soft kisses along the side of his neck. "You're so good Cas," he murmurs against his skin. "And so incredible too. The way you submit to me…look how hard you are for me already, and I haven't even touched you. Fuck, it's beautiful." Tipping his head back against Dean's shoulder, Cas closes his eyes, whimpering at the praise. Suddenly there's a light touch along his shaft, which makes his hips buck of their own accord, and Dean laughs. "Sensitive too. We're going to have a lot of fun." He stays quiet for a moment, and Castiel can feel his eyes as they roam across his skin. "You remember your word, Cas?" he asks finally. 

"Impala, Sir," Cas whispers.  
>"Good. And you trust me?" he asks, softer. <p>

Cas has to consider it for a minute. On the one hand, Dean is a total stranger who showed up in his apartment and started ordering him around. On the other hand, he'd also been gentle and patient, making sure he ate and managing to put him at ease even in the most vulnerable positions. And maybe Gabriel is right. Maybe it is time to take a risk and go after what he wants. "Yes Sir," he murmurs finally. "I trust you." 

Dean smiles against the back of his neck, and the feeling makes Cas' heart flutter. "Okay. Turn around for me. I want to see you." Cas shivers, but obeys, standing and turning to face him before settling down on his lap again, feeling slightly more exposed with his knees spread around the outsides of Dean's upper thighs. Dean just smiles reassuringly, letting his fingers trail along his collarbone before running down his arm and wrapping lightly around his wrist. He reaches over to the chair and picks up Cas' forgotten tie, then raises an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to nod before tying it around the wrist in his grip. He does so carefully, checking and readjusting the fabric several times before he's happy. Cas watches the practiced fingers work, swallowing when they place his hand against Dean's chest, moving to remove Dean's own tie before bringing it to the opposite wrist. Cas' fingers twitch over the heartbeat in Dean's chest, and he closes his eyes, using the steady pulse to slow his breathing. Dean brings the other hand to rest opposite the first, and Cas takes another slow breath before opening his eyes to find Dean watching him, half a smile on his lips, as his fingers run up and down each of Cas' forearms. "What are you thinking?" he asks. 

For a moment Cas tries to answer, and then he realizes he can't. "I'm not, Sir," he answers quietly. "I was just…breathing. Your heart…I…" he trails off, suddenly feeling silly, but Dean smiles. 

"Good. Stand up." Cas slips from his lap, and Dean follows him up, taking the ends of the ties and leading him down the hall into his bedroom. Cas follows, pausing behind him as he surveys the footboard, then takes him by the shoulders, backing him up against it. "Down," he commands softly, watching Cas kneel in front of it and gently stroking through his hair. He crouches down, grabbing the ends of the ties and slotting them carefully through the spaces in the footboard, tying them securely so that Cas' arms are pulled behind him, uncomfortable but not painfully so. He runs a hand lightly along the back of Cas' arm. "Okay?" he asks. Cas nods, giving him a small smile and watching him pull another pieces of black fabric from his pocket, which he ties firmly over Cas' eyes. Cas' heart speeds up at the sudden loss, but he takes a breath while Dean continues to lightly stroke his skin, waiting to gauge his reaction. Swallowing, he slowly relaxes into his position, and Dean makes a pleased sound. "Don't move." 

The steady hands leave his skin, and Cas hears the padding of feet moving away, and then everything is quiet. He stays still, listening, but hears nothing. Instead, he tries to focus on his breaths, despite the little flares of panic that run through him with every passing minute. He isn't quite sure how much time passes, just that he's starting to wonder if Dean has left him here, if maybe Gabriel asked him to as part of some sick joke, and he wants to call out or pull against his bonds, but he also wants to play by the rules. He feels himself starting to hyperventilate, and clamps down hard around the fear, reminding himself to trust Dean. He put his faith in that man, allowed this to happen for a reason, and now it's time to remember that reason. He just has to keep breathing. 

He jumps at the soft touch against his shoulder, then relaxes, realizing that Dean hadn't gone anywhere, but was standing a few feet away watching in case he panicked. "Well done, Cas. That was good." Cas shivers at the murmured praise, pleased at the pride in Dean's voice. "I wouldn't leave you like that," he continues. "Now, I'm going to go out to the living room to get something, and then I'll come back. Be good while I'm gone and you'll get a reward." Cas nods, managing to stay calm this time as he listens to the sounds of Dean walking away, fumbling with something, then walking back. He leans into the light touch on his cheek. "Good boy. I'm going to move you. Are you okay keeping the blindfold on?" 

Cas just nods mutely, thinking that he would have agreed to anything if it meant having Dean's hands on him. He feels his bindings release, moaning softly when Dean's practiced fingers press into his shoulders, easing away the ache. Dean chuckles. Satisfied with their work, the hands travel further, one wrapping around his upper arm and the other falling to his ribs. "Up," he murmurs, carefully steading him as he rises. The hand on his arm shifts down to his hip, gently guiding him forward until he hits the bed. When Dean speaks again, it's very close to his ear. "Lie down for me, beautiful," he murmurs, running a hand down his spine. Cas thinks he might have whimpered again, and he obeys quickly, stretching out in what feels like the center of the bed. The bed shifts under Dean's weight as he takes one of Cas' wrists, moving it up over his head and securing the loose end of the tie to the nearest corner of the headboard, making sure the fabric is taut. He runs his palm down Cas' arm and over to the other wrist, which is pulled to the other corner. He maintains light contact as he moves, letting Cas know where he is. He slips to the end of the bed, and Cas feels something looped around his ankle before it's pulled to the side and secured. He swallows, trying to calm the anxiety that's flared up in his chest as the other ankle is given the same treatment. He tests the bonds carefully, finding that they have very little give. Slowly, Dean's hand runs up from his ankle over his inner thigh, just missing his cock, which, despite his nerves, is rock hard and leaking over his stomach. It continues across his abs and up the center of his chest, somehow managing to coax every muscle in to relaxing as it moves, before settling over his throat again. The touch soothes Cas' initial panic, and suddenly his skin is on fire, aching to be touched, and his arousal heightens as he imagines how he must look, spread wide and vulnerable under Dean's careful watch, and a soft moan escapes him. 

"You do not have permission to cum. You're going to get your reward, but not until I'm ready. Understood?" Cas manages something resembling an affirmation through the sharp need exploding through his body, but not even he can really understand it. Dean chuckles, his thumb rubbing over Cas' pulse as he shushes him gently. "Deep breaths," he advises, and suddenly they start happening, as if Cas' body was just waiting for the order. Dean's touch disappears for a moment as his weight settles between his spread legs, then reappears on the sides of his ribs, tracing them with an almost reverent care. He drops a soft kiss to Cas' sternum, and the man under him shivers violently, his fingers wrapping around the fabric at his wrists. He continues that way, gently stroking and kissing across his skin, watching him carefully as he methodically worships the writhing man beneath him. Stuttered, broken sounds fall from Cas' mouth, which has fallen open. Dean's fingers shift lower, tracing lightly up and down the insides of his thighs, feeling them tremble. "So good for me, Cas," he whispers, planting light, open-mouthed kisses between his hips. "So incredible. And I haven't even touched any of the good parts yet." A choked whimper is the only answer. "Let's change that, shall we?" 

He kisses his way back up, then swipes his tongue over one pink nipple. Cas' back arches up, and he gasps, biting his lip in an effort to stay quiet. "None of that," Dean murmurs, gently pulling his bottom lip out from between his teeth as he scrapes his own along the sharp jaw. "No hiding from me, Castiel," he whispers, kissing behind his ear. "I want to hear you. Let go for me, beautiful." He kisses halfway down Cas' neck, then sinks his teeth in, biting down firmly and delighting in the loud moan and the mark he knows is going to be there. "Much better," he teases lightly, moving back down Cas' chest and licking over a nipple again, letting his teeth scrape over it. A sudden hiss escapes Cas' lips, but he arches up into the sensation, gasping sharply as Dean bites down. He's trembling so hard he thinks he might just shake himself into pieces, but muses that there are much worse ways to go than with Dean's mouth and fingers killing him slowly. "Such a good boy, aren't you?" he's murmuring in between the systematic marking of Cas' collarbone with sharp nips followed by soothing strokes of his tongue. "So fucking good, Castiel. Look at you, all spread out and presented to me. That big, gorgeous cock of yours is so nice and hard for me." Cas whimpers loudly, feeling his arousal throb desperately at the words, so hard it's almost painful. "It's making quite the mess, isn't it?" Dean teases him, swiping two of his fingers through the puddle forming on Cas' stomach. "Why don't you taste, Cas?" he whispers, and suddenly the fingers are at Cas' lips, and he opens to accept them without question, moaning around them as he suckles obediently. He hears a groan escape Dean's chest, along with a muffled _Fuck_, before his lips and teeth are teasing lightly along his inner thighs. He squirms desperately, wanting to cry with how close Dean's mouth is. "Something you want?" Dean asks, voice low and husky. 

He eases his fingers free, and Cas gasps for a moment before he's able to choke out a desperate "Please!"

Dean chuckles. "Please what, baby?"

Cas growls with the effort of forming words, but manages a "P-Please…touch me!" 

"You want me to touch that beautiful cock of yours?" he asks, smirking as he places a sharp bite to his right thigh. Broken, whimpered pleas tumble from his lips as he tries to squirm in his bonds. "That's an idea. But you know what I'd really like to do?" Cas pants loudly. "What I'd really like to do," Dean whispers, grinning, "is swallow it down." His words send Cas into a fit of whimpering. "Think that would be okay?" He gives a jerky nod, pleading desperately. Cas nearly screams when suddenly Dean's mouth is around him, hot and wet and so, so perfect. He tries to push up into the sensation, but Dean holds his hips steady, refusing to cede control. He sobs when Dean's tongue teases around the head and finds its way into the slit, his knuckles white where they're wrapped around the ties. A mix of pleas and curses and unintelligible sounds fall from his mouth, and he nearly blacks out when Dean groans around him, keeping him balanced on the very edge. One of his hands disappears, and the blindfold is pulled free. Cas blinks for a moment, and what he sees has him squeezing his eyes shut again, because Dean has undone his pants and is stroking himself in time with his mouth on Cas' cock. Cas throws his head back, no longer caring about the loud whimpers and moans that escape him. 

"P-Please Dean…please…f-fuck, I'm gonna cum…Please!" he cries.

Dean's mouth pulls away with an obscene pop, and Cas almost sobs. "Not yet," he murmurs, his voice cracking. "Just another minute…fuck Cas, you're incredible…"

He chokes back a whimper as Dean's mouth returns, trying desperately to hold on, to please Dean, but it isn't long before he's begging again. "Dean!"

"Open your eyes," he orders gruffly, and Cas obeys immediately, his eyes locking onto Dean's dark, lust-filled ones. Dean half-smirks. "Good boy. Cum for me, Castiel." At the command, Cas' whole body seizes up, and everything going white. 

When he comes around again, his ties have been removed, and he's cuddled against Dean's chest, curled up in his lap while he gently runs a wet cloth over Cas' skin. "Deep breaths baby," he murmurs, lightly rubbing his back, his palms soothing over Cas' still-shaking body. His voice sounds far away, but the words are gentle, and Cas is still too far gone to do anything but cling to him and listen. "You did so good Cas," he's saying. "Just breathe. I've got you. You can speak whenever you're ready. Take your time. I'm right here." He continues to soothe him gently, holding him securely as he slowly comes back to earth. 

The first words Cas manages are "Holy shit," which makes Dean laugh.

"I take it you enjoyed yourself then?"

Summoning his strength, Cas slowly looks up at him. "Dean, that was…it was…I can't even…" he struggles for words, and Dean chuckles.

"I know what you mean. I'm glad. Are you feeling alright? I know it was intense. I may have gotten a little carried away, but it was so amazing to watch you."

"Feel amazing," Cas mumbles into his chest, letting himself fall limp and be supported by Dean's body. "Can't believe I really did that."

"I'm proud of you," Dean murmurs against his temple. "Is there anything you need me to do for you?"

Cas tenses, interpreting this as Dean trying to leave. "Stay?" he manages, almost a whimper.

"Of course I'll stay," Dean chuckles softly. "You're probably going to drop hard, especially since you haven't done this before. I won't let you deal with it alone. I was thinking more along the lines of making you comfortable."

"Oh." Cas thinks for a moment. "Can we just stay like this?"

"Of course," Dean assures him.

"Sleep?" he asks. 

He feels Dean shift, and his hold tightens a little, then relaxes at the reassuring hand through his hair. "Not just yet. I need you to drink this first okay? It'll help." Cas is too exhausted to open his eyes long enough to see what _this_ is, but he's sure, after everything Dean has done so far, that it's not going to harm him. Feeling the rim of a glass at his lips, he opens a little, grateful for the gentle hand at the back of his neck as Dean carefully tips the glass up. The sharp tang of citrus rushes over his tongue. Orange juice. He swallows when the glass lowers, sighing and nuzzling into Dean's chest. "Think you can drink a little more for me?" he asks gently. Instead of answering he parts his lips again, and Dean repeats the process until the glass is empty. A pleasant tingle runs through him at the murmured "Good boy," and the tightening of Dean's secure hold. 

"Sleep now?" he asks.

Dean chuckles. "Yes, you can sleep now. I'll stay right here."

Against his better judgment, Cas decides to believe this, and he drifts off to sleep listening to the steady heartbeat under his cheek. 

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><p><strong>Please remember to review if you liked it! If some people like it I'll keep going with it, but you have to let me know!<strong>

**Love,**

**TheSongSmith**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Lovelies! I'm so sorry it's been so long, I've been majorly busy, but there's some cool news! More on that at the bottom. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong><strong>

When Cas wakes up, he's surprised to find himself still in Dean's lap, having almost convinced himself that he was a dream. Dean must have shifted them at some point, because now he rests against the headboard, and his dress shirt is gone, draped at the end of the bed, sleeping peacefully as his arms stay locked around him. Cas smiles, lightly reaching up to stroke his cheek, the movement causing Dean to stir, his eyes fluttering open. He smiles, turning his head to kiss the palm at his cheek. "Morning." Cas smiles, but then memories of last night slowly leak into his consciousness, and a wave of embarrassment washes over him. How easily he'd accepted Dean's control, the sudden vulnerability, his desperate pleas and whimpers…apparently he's said these things out loud, because suddenly there's a hand under his chin, pulling it up until he locks eyes with Dean. "It was beautiful," Dean says firmly. "God, Cas, you were so incredible. You have nothing to be ashamed of, do you understand me? It's okay to want those things and to let yourself have them."

For some reason, Dean's easy acceptance of what he'd done helps the shame disappear, and he nods. "You…really thought so?" Cas whispers.

Dean smiles, his hold tightening. "Fuck yes. You thought I was just saying that? I wish you could have seen yourself the way I saw you. It was amazing, Castiel. I've never seen anything like it. You have to believe me. You should be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you."

Slowly, the tension in Cas' shoulders eases, and he smiles. "Thank you." He tries to sit up, but hisses as every muscle protests, falling back against Dean's chest.

"You're probably going to be a little sore," Dean chuckles, his fingers lightly soothing over the aching muscles. "I'll run you a bath." Carefully, he slips out from underneath Cas, turning towards the bathroom.

"Are you going to take it with me?" Cas asks before he can stop himself.

Dean looks over his shoulder, amused. "I suppose that depends. Do you want me to?"

He nods, maybe a little overeagerly. "Please."

"Okay then." He disappears out the door, and Cas listens to the sounds of water running for a while before he returns. "Alright, nice and easy," he murmurs as he carefully helps Cas out of bed.

Cas nods, sighing as he's set down gently in the water. "Well?" he asks, a smile tugging at his lips. "Are you going to join me?"

Dean laughs, but moves to pull his t-shirt over his head, and Cas can't even bring himself to be ashamed for watching him. "See something you like?" Dean teases lightly. He just nods, trying not to let his eyes linger too long and scooting forward in the tub to let Dean sit behind him, then settling back between his legs, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of Dean's skin against his. He lets his fingers move lightly along Dean's knee, leaning back heavily and letting the warmth seep into his muscles.

Dean stays quiet for a while, letting his fingers run lightly over Cas' skin as he presses soft kisses to the back of his neck, and Cas sighs, making a mental note to thank his brother. After a while Dean pushes him up, one arm hooking around his chest and his free hand pressing carefully into the sore muscles, gently releasing the tension. Cas moans, pliant and obedient, and lets his weight rest against Dean's arm, his hands tightening where they rest on the tops of Dean's thighs. "Good?" Dean murmurs.

Cas nods, groaning softly. "I hope my brother is paying you well for this."

The touch pauses. "You think I'm a prostitute?" Dean asks. His voice is amused rather than offended, but it makes Cas blush anyway.

"I didn't mean…well, I just…"

Dean laughs, quieting his stuttered explanations. "It's okay, I get it. I'm not, just so you know."

"So…Dean is your real name?" Cas asks.

"Yes. Winchester, in case you were wondering. Gabriel is friends with my brother, Sam. He said you had a problem that he thought I could help you with. I guess he was right. He let me in, by the way. I didn't break into your apartment."

Suddenly, Cas is laughing, and he can't seem to stop. Dean just looks at him, puzzled, as he tries to control himself. "That's not what he meant," he manages in between giggles.

"What's not what he meant?" Dean asks slowly.

Cas takes a minute to compose himself, taking a deep breath. "I mean, it was a problem, but not one he knew about. Gabriel is extremely concerned with the fact that I've never…done things. With anyone, before. I think that's why he asked you here."

Dean's mouth drops open a little in shock, which only causes Castiel to laugh again, thought he tries to control it. "Are you telling me you're a virgin?" he asks cautiously. Cas just nods, stuttering out broken apologies in between giggles, and suddenly Dean's laughing too, and the whole thing is so ridiculous that neither of them can stop. "Jesus Cas, I'm so sorry!"

Cas shakes his head. "Don't be. I'm not."

That thought sobers him up quickly, because he realizes that he really doesn't regret what they did, and wouldn't mind doing it again. Until, that is, Dean mutters, "Wait, does Gabriel think I'm a prostitute?" which makes them both dissolve into giggles again. When they've finally managed to pull it together they get up, drying off quickly and wandering back into the bedroom. Cas stretches out, not really seeing the point of putting on clothes, and Dean lies down next to him, watching him as he thinks. "Cas, is it just me, or do you seem almost…disappointed that I'm not a prostitute?"

Cas smiles. "It's not that. It's just…if you were a prostitute it would be a lot easier to ask you to come back."

"You…want me to come back?" he asks softly.

Cas blushes. "I don't think I've ever been so relaxed in my entire life. I don't want this to be the end. And I…don't mind having you around."

Dean chuckles softly. "Well you don't have to pay me to get me to come back," he murmurs. Cas tilts his head, looking at him questioningly. "Can I tell you something?"

He nods, perplexed until Dean's hand finds his jaw and he leans over, kissing him softly. Cas melts into the touch, shifting to straddle his hips and kiss him back. When they pull apart, he grins. "Oh. I see. In that case, we should do this again sometime."

Dean laughs. "We should."

They both jump when Castiel's phone rings, and he reaches over to it, sighing when Gabriel's name is displayed. He answers with an irritated "What?"

"Cassie!" Gabriel greets cheerfully, probably hopped up on his usual oversweet morning coffee. "How's things little brother?"

"Fine Gabriel," he mutters, rolling his eyes at Dean, who grins. "Did you want something?"

"I was just calling to see how your night was," he says innocently. "Anything…interesting happen?"

Dean chuckles softly, kissing his temple. Cas grins. "Nope. Nothing at all." He hangs up, putting the phone on silent and tossing it on the bed, leaning down to kiss Dean again.

"So what are you doing tomorrow night?" Dean asks.

"Nothing, as usual. Why?"

"Because I think we should go to dinner together."

Cas ducks his head, blushing. "That would be nice." He looks up, biting his lip for a moment. "Will you stay a little longer today?"

Dean smiles. "I'd love to. Breakfast?"

"I'll order in." Cas retrieves his phone, ignoring the many missed calls from Gabriel and quickly ordering breakfast before settling back down.

"So," Dean says, "let's talk about this virgin business. I know it's not because people don't find you attractive. So what is it?"

Cas blushes and shrugs. "It's just…hard, for me, to trust people. I'm a little…uptight, as Gabriel likes to say. I know it sounds weird, considering last night. I've been on dates and stuff, just…never got that far."

To his surprise, Dean nods knowingly. "I understand. A lot of people turn to submission for that reason. They can't let go in their everyday lives, because they're afraid of what will happen if they do. But giving control to someone else gives them a certain level of security. They can relax because someone else is taking care of everything. Everybody needs to let go sometimes. It's freeing, isn't it?"

Cas nods. "It is. I've always wanted to do it. But I never actually got up the courage to try."

"Well, sometimes all we need is a little push," Dean answers. "Did you enjoy it?" Cas looks at him like he's crazy, and he laughs. "Come on, cooperate a little. It'll help to talk through it, I promise. So tell me how you felt."

"Scared," he says after a moment. "I was terrified. But not so much of you. More of myself, and how much I wanted what you were offering. I did a lot of panicking in between the good parts. Is that normal?"

Dean chuckles. "For someone who's never done it? Absolutely. Especially a virgin. I wish I'd have known that before. It's a good thing I decided to stop when I did. Though, I probably should have seen it coming. He told me to go easy on you, and I was imagining something completely different. Plus, when I asked your brother if you were clean, he just laughed." Cas snorts. "Keep going," Dean prods lightly. "After the fear."

He considers it for a moment. "It was weirdly…nice. Comfortable. I've always wondered what it would be like to kneel for someone that way. It was like my whole life I've been missing something, and then suddenly I found it." He groans, hiding his face against Dean's chest. "That sounded really stupid."

"No it didn't," Dean laughs. "I know what you mean. You seemed kind of tense for a while there, when I was feeding you."

Cas nods. "I think it just…caught me off guard. You were…a lot gentler than research suggested you'd be."

"So you did research?" he chuckles. "Well it's not all like it is in porn. I mean for some people it is, but that's not what you needed from me. Not right now, anyway. You just needed someone to take control and reassure you that what you were feeling was okay, and that you were safe."

"And how did you know what I needed?" Cas smiles.

Dean grins. "It's kind of my superpower. It was pretty clear. You wanted it, you just didn't know how to let yourself have it. Being rough with you only would have scared you. Maybe later you'll want that, but you were taking a leap of faith trusting me. I wanted you to know I'd keep you safe."

Cas sighs, thinking that maybe he should thank Gabriel after all. Not that he'd known what he was doing, but still. "Well…after that was a little hard. I trusted you, I did, but there was still a little bit of doubt, especially when I couldn't hear you."

"I saw," he murmurs. "Your expression went back and forth so many times. I was only a few feet away. I wanted to see how you'd react. Some people are fine at first, but after a minute they freak and want out. I would have let you out, if you'd asked."

"I know you would have," Cas smiles. "I think that's why I didn't ask. And after that…well, I think you know how I felt after that." He pauses. "Can we really do this? I mean, what we did, and normal going out things?"

Dean chuckles. "I think we already are. We can make it work. We just have to draw a line somewhere. When we go to dinner I'll bring something that'll help." Cas raises an eyebrow, but Dean just smiles, so he decides to let it rest for now.

"Hey Dean?" Cas asks. "Why 'Impala'?"

Dean grins. "It was the car my dad gave me. He taught me how to fix it, and we rebuilt it from the ground up together."

Cas smiles. "That sounds nice."

Something dark clouds Dean's face for a moment, but he shakes it off. "Yeah, it was." The doorbell rings, and he sits up, kissing Cas softly again. "I'll get it."

He throws on pants, disappearing into the living room. Cas follows, absently sinking down onto the pillow beside the couch. When Dean returns, carrying the tray, he pauses, watching him for a moment. It takes Cas a minute to figure out why, and then he blushes, starting to stand up. "Sorry, forgot for a moment."

Dean's hand on his shoulder stops him, and when he looks up he's surprised by the grin. "No, it's okay. I'm glad you're comfortable with that. But I'd like to talk to you, and I can't really do that when you're down there." Cas nods, standing and watching as Dean sits down on the couch. "Come up here." He pulls Cas into his lap, and Cas is surprised at how comfortably he fits there. He curls up happily, nearly purring when Dean's hand massages lightly up and down his back as they eat. He waits until they've both finished to start. "Can we talk for a minute, Cas?" he asks quietly. He must feel Cas tense, because he smiles. "No, nothing bad, I promise," he assures him, pausing to kiss him softly. "Just logistics."

Cas relaxes again and nods. "Okay. What is it?"

"Are you sure you want to continue doing this?" he asks slowly.

Cas frowns. "I'm sure. I've wanted this for a very long time. But…if you don't want to…"

Dean shakes his head hard. "No, no, that's not what I'm saying. Believe me, I really want to. But if we're going to do this, we have to set some boundaries, okay? The last thing I want to do is hurt you. So first things first, you need a new word. You're really supposed to pick your own, but you were a little overwhelmed before. Pick something you'll remember."

Cas nods, thinking it over carefully. "Angel," he says finally.

Dean nods. "Okay. Can I ask why?"

He smiles. "My mother was kind of obsessed with them. We had them everywhere in the house growing up."

"Alright then, angel it is. Now, about those boundaries I was talking about…" he fishes around for a moment, pulling a laptop from the bag at the side of the couch. "You said you've done research, so I'm sure you've seen a lot of things that you want to try and a lot that you don't. It's important that I know those things. Do you know the difference between a hard limit and a soft limit?" Cas nods, watching him pull up a document with a list of activities and a space next to each one to mark whether it's a hard limit, a soft limit, or something he wants to try. "This is the easiest way to keep track of that, so that I know what you want and what you don't want. We can update it any time if you think of something else you want to try or you don't like something we try. It will change over time, but for now I want to go through the list with you so I know what your thoughts are and can answer your questions. Sound good?" Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss him softly before returning to look at the list. They go through it carefully, discussing in detail any item over which Cas hesitates. It takes a while, but when they finally get to the end, he finds that his nerves at having this fantasy become concrete have settled. Dean seems to feel better too, his shoulders relaxing. "You're sure you want to do this?" he asks again.

Cas sighs. "Why do you keep asking me that?"

He frowns. "I just…want to make sure. I don't want you to feel like you have to agree to this to keep seeing me, because you don't. I'm interested in you, Cas, not just having sex with you."

"I'm well aware of that," Cas murmurs. "Believe me, Dean, if I didn't want to do this I wouldn't. I really honestly want this. So please relax, okay?"

Slowly, Dean smiles, nodding. "Okay." His hand falls to cup Cas' cheek, pulling him in for a tender kiss.

Cas sighs, lips parting as Dean licks gently into his mouth. He moans softly at the taste of him, shifting to press up against Dean's chest before slowly pulling away. "You're incredible," he murmurs, smiling at the light blush that flashes across Dean's face. "It makes you uncomfortable to be complimented," he observes.

Dean chuckles nervously. "What, are you a shrink?"

"I'm a teacher, actually," Cas answers. "I teach in the English department of the local college. What about you?"

"Nothing that fancy," he laughs. "I'm just a mechanic."

"Well don't act like it's nothing!" Cas chuckles. "I couldn't fix a car if my life depended on it."

Dean smiles. "Maybe I'll teach you one day." He checks his watch, sighing. "I should get going. I told Sammy I'd meet him for lunch." It's almost endearing how disappointed he sounds, and Cas nods, leaning up to kiss him again.

"Sounds like fun. I should probably call Gabriel back before he comes to break down my door."

Dean chuckles, reaching for a piece of paper and ripping it in half, scribbling down the name of a restaurant and a string of numbers before handing it to Cas. "My number. Meet me at eight tomorrow night?"

"I can't wait," Cas smiles, watching him gather his things.

"If you start to feel off again or you need anything or want to talk, please call me," he instructs as he slips on his jacket. "Whatever I'm doing, I'll pick up. I promise."

"I'll be fine, Dean," Cas chuckles. "I promise I'll call if I need anything. I'll see you tomorrow."

Cas watches him close the door behind him before going to retrieve his phone, shaking his head at the plethora of missed calls and texts from Gabriel. "Cas!" he shouts when he picks up. "There you are! I was just about to come down there. What's up little bro?"

"I can't believe you actually thought that invading my personal life like that was appropriate, Gabriel," he starts.

He can hear the frown in his brother's voice. "Look, Cas, I'm sorry, I was just trying to look out for you. I don't want you to be alone when-"

"You didn't let me finish," Cas interrupts. "What you did was highly inappropriate. Which is why I really hate the fact that I called to thank you."

Gabriel pauses before the grin creeps back into his voice. "So…you finally punched in your V-card? You got laid last night?" he asks, far too excited.

"No!" Cas mutters. "Well…not really. And before you ask, I'm not going to discuss my sex life with you. But I do have a date tomorrow night. And I suppose, despite how much I don't want to, I have you to thank for that."

"You have a date with a prostitute?" Gabe asks, puzzled.

He rolls his eyes. "He's not a prostitute, Gabriel. He's just…a really great guy."

"Oooh, Cas you got it bad, don't you? I knew it would work out!"

"You did not," Cas chuckles. "You just wanted me to have sex. It was just dumb luck that you picked him. But you did pick him, so…thank you."

"I'm expecting a full report after your date," Gabriel teases. Cas just hangs up, tossing his phone beside him and stretching out on the bed, wondering how he's going to pass the time until he can see Dean again. 

* * *

><p><strong>Woohoo! So, in my absence, I've been setting up an account on Archive of Our Own! I know that the site is a little bit easier for people to use, so I've decided to try it out. All of my Supernatural stories are up there, including a Sabriel fic that I have not posted here, so you can check that out! My username is the same over there<strong>.** As always, please remember to review if you liked it!**

**Love,**

**TheSongSmith**


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner turns out to be far less awkward than Cas had anticipated, which makes the three hours he spent panicking seem silly. The restaurant Dean picked, a place called the Roadhouse, is warm and inviting, and seems to be exactly the kind of place Dean would belong. He's already waiting in a booth, sipping at a drink, and when he catches Cas' eye and grins the fluttery feeling in his stomach settles. "I'm glad you came," Dean murmurs, leaning in to kiss him softly.

"Why wouldn't I?" Cas asks curiously.

He shrugs. "I don't know. You've had a while to think it over and change your mind."

Cas chuckles. "I did think about it a lot. But I'm not changing my mind."

Dean nods, relieved, his shoulders relaxing as he hands Cas a menu. "They make a good burger," he grins. "I figured we both might be more comfortable somewhere a little less formal."

He opens his mouth to tell him that, yes, it was definitely better, but is interrupted by a young blonde woman who looks between them curiously. "Found a new playmate, Dean?" she asks. There's teasing tone in the words, but Dean frowns.

"I'm on a date, Jo," he grumbles. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all," she answers, grinning as she nudges his shoulder. "You want your usual?" He nods, and she turns to me. "What about you?"

In truth, Cas hadn't even really glanced over the menu, but he shuts it anyway. "I'll have what he's having." Jo snorts, but turns and walks back towards the kitchen.

"Before you ask," Dean mutters, "I haven't had a parade of romantic conquests through here or anything. She just likes to be annoying."

Cas chuckles. "I figured as much. Still, you seem rather fond of her."

"We kind of grew up together," he explains. "Sammy and I spent a lot of time with her mother while our dad was working." Cas nods, watching as Dean thinks for a minute. "Hold on," he says finally, "You don't even know what I ordered. How do you know it isn't something weird, like…raw fish eyeballs or something?"

Cas laughs. "Firstly, I'd be very surprised if raw fish eyeballs were a house specialty, and secondly, I bet I can guess what it is."

"Oh yeah?" Dean grins. "Go ahead, guess."

He leans back, observing him for a moment. "Bacon cheeseburger."

Dean laughs. "Am I that obvious?"

"Not usually," Cas chuckles. "But you told me the burgers were good, and you strike me as someone who likes the classics. I take it I'm right? Because I don't think I'm going to kiss you goodnight if you have raw fish eyeball breath."

"You sure you're not a shrink?" Dean teases. "I think you'd be good at it."

"I'll keep it in mind if I ever decide to change fields."

They chat easily until their food is brought out by a stern-looking middle-aged woman. "You behaving yourself Dean?" she asks, a slight smile softening her features.

"Don't I always?" he grins.

"Don't sass me, boy," she admonishes. "I don't care how old you are, I've got no problem putting you in your place. Now, are you going to introduce me or not?"

Cas chuckles as the tips of Dean's ears turn red. "Yes Ma'am. Ellen, this is Castiel. Cas, Ellen."

Ellen looks at him for a moment, appraising. "You could certainly do worse," she says finally. "Enjoy your dinner."

Cas watches her walk away before raising an eyebrow at Dean. "Should I be flattered or offended?"

Dean laughs. "That's about as close to approval as I've ever seen her. Believe me, if she didn't like you, you'd know." After dinner, Dean pulls a small box from the booth beside him, setting it on the table. "I told you I was going to bring something to help us," he says in response to Cas' curious look. "But you don't have to use it if you don't want. There are other ways."

The sudden nervousness in his voice is alarming, but Cas takes the box and carefully lifts the lid, gasping softly at the circle of leather inside. He glances up at Dean, who's watching him anxiously. "Is…this what I think it is?" he says finally.

"Like I said, you don't have to," Dean says quickly, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I just thought…"

"No, it's not that," he chuckles. "It just surprised me, that's all." He takes it out of the box carefully, smiling at the initials stitched in silver on the front. "You had this done between yesterday and today?"

"I know a guy," he shrugs. "So…you like it?"

"I love it," he laughs, putting it carefully back in the box. "And I think it will help. Thank you."

Dean nods, grinning. "I'd really love to see how it looks on you, but I don't think Ellen would appreciate that much."

"Maybe later, then," Cas chuckles.

Dean insists on walking him back to his apartment at which point he holds out the box. "Hold onto it. But don't put it on yet. I want that honor for myself." The idea of putting it on himself hadn't really occurred to him, but he nods anyway, leaning in to kiss him softly. "Night Cas," he grins.

"Goodnight Dean." 

* * *

><p>In his happy haze, Cas forgets to set his alarm, and wakes up the next morning to find himself running late. He rushes around the apartment before heading to his office, realizing along the way that he's forgotten his lecture notes, but not having enough time to go back for them. To make matters worse, several students in his classes were disruptive as he bumbled through his lectures with what he could remember, and he'd gotten no less than three emails about the deadline for his upcoming paper. After his final class lets out he sits at his desk for a moment, trying to remember what it's like to breathe normally. Finally, he sends a text to Dean with just one word: <em>Help.<em> It only takes a minute before his phone is ringing. "Bad day?" he asks when he picks up.

"You have no idea." The sound of Dean's voice helps him breathe a little easier, and he rests his forehead on the desk as he listens to the low chuckle. "And now," he explains, "I just feel…"

"Unsettled?" Dean guesses.

"Exactly."

The line is quiet for a moment. "What time do you get home?" he asks finally.

"I don't know, I still have to finish grading a few things. Maybe seven?"

"Do you have a spare key stashed anywhere?"

"Above the doorframe," he answers. "Why?"

He can hear Dean's smile. "Hurry home. I'll bring dinner." He hangs up, and Cas takes a deep breath before going back to his papers. His mood lifts with each step closer to home, and he drops his briefcase just inside the door, closing it quietly before finding himself pressed up against it, the weight of Dean's body soothing his frayed nerves as he melts into the slow kiss. Dean grins as he pulls away. "Welcome home. Dinner's ready."

Cas nods, hugging him tightly for a moment. "Thank you for coming," he murmurs.

"Of course," Dean smiles. "Come on." He reaches down, threading his fingers through Cas' before leading him into the kitchen.

"You cook?" Cas asks curiously.

Dean chuckles, sitting down and pulling him into the adjacent chair. "You'd be surprised how quickly you get tired of take-out. So, you wanna tell me what happened?" He listens patiently as Cas recounts the details of his day, keeping their fingers locked and lightly stroking Cas' palm with his thumb. "Wow, it really wasn't your day, huh?"

Cas chuckles. "I don't know, it's looking up from here. And at least I have tomorrow off. Sorry for bothering you earlier, I just needed to talk to someone, and you were the first person I thought of."

"You didn't bother me," Dean insists. "I told you to call if you needed something. And it's not like I mind getting to see you again." He smiles, leaning over to kiss Cas' cheek softly. "I'm glad I could help. Now, why don't you get changed while I clean up?"

He nods, pulling off his tie as he walks into the bedroom and smiling at the pair of sweatpants left out on the bed for him next to the box. He changes quickly, picking the box up before going back out to the kitchen. "Hey Dean?"

Dean looks up from the sink, smiling and pulling him closer to kiss him softly. "Feeling better?"

"Starting to," he smiles. He hesitates for a moment before holding up the box.

"You sure?" Dean asks. "We don't have to."

"I'm sure," he chuckles. "After the day I've had, I need to let go for a while. You're good at that."

Dean just nods, kissing him once more and taking a breath before taking the box from him, setting it down on the table and removing the collar. When he turns back around Cas is on his knees, already looking calmer, and he can't help but smile as he runs a hand through the messy hair. He gently tilts Cas' chin up, carefully fastening the collar in the back, slipping a finger under the leather to check. "Too tight?" he asks. Cas shakes his head. "Good." He watches him for another minute, grinning. "I was right. It does look good on you." Cas blushes, trying to look away, but Dean's fingers under his chin don't let him get too far. "No hiding from me," he murmurs. "Now, stand up. You'll kill your knees if you kneel on these tiles much longer." Cas smiles, wincing at the ache already present in his knees as he rises. His fingers go to his throat, feeling along the soft leather for the silver initials he knows are there. Dean watches him, chuckling. "Want to see for yourself?" He steers Cas into the bathroom, standing him in front of the mirror and looking over his shoulder at the reflection. "What do you think?"

Cas considers his reflection, tracing his fingers over the raised letters again. "It's perfect," he murmurs.

"I think so too," Dean grins. He gently coaxes Cas' head to the side, kissing the leather softly. "Now let's put it to good use, shall we?" Cas nods, following him into the living room. Dean sits down on the couch, coaxing Cas into the seat beside him before pulling his upper half across his lap. Cas stretches restlessly, settling at the light hand on his lower back. He groans softly as the fingers press carefully into his shoulders, easing away the tension. "How are you feeling now?"

"Amazing," he sighs.

Dean chuckles. "Good. See if you can quiet your mind. Just relax and let me take care of you for a while." Cas nods, closing his eyes and focusing on the gentle pressure until it's the only solid thing left. His breaths deepen as it moves lower, kneading the muscles of his lower back until they release. "Good boy. What's your safe word, Castiel?" Dean asks quietly.

"Angel, Sir," he whispers, humming at the scent of vanilla that fills the air.

"Good." The touch pauses for a moment, then returns, smoother than before. Cas lifts his hips from the couch when he feels it pushing at his waistband, smiling at Dean's low chuckle as his hand skims bare skin. He yelps when Dean's hand comes down on one side of his ass, enough to startle him but not hard enough to truly hurt. "Cheeky bastard," he mutters, but there's warmth behind the words. "Well now we have a dilemma," Dean teases. "This side is nice and pink, and the other side isn't. What do you think we should do about that?"

Cas shivers at his tone, fighting to keep from seeking friction against Dean's leg. "I suppose we should even it out, Sir," he murmurs. The pad of Dean's thumb rubs lightly over the initials on his collar, a reward, before his hand comes down again, harder than before. It takes Cas by surprise how intensely pleasurable it is, and the low moan is tumbling from his lips before he can stop it. Dean chuckles as he rubs gently over the quickly darkening skin.

"Much better, don't you think?" he grins. Cas just nods, letting Dean shift him around until his knees are on either side of Dean's hips, resting comfortably against his chest. The scent of vanilla returns, and then his fingers are delving into Cas' lower back again. When they move lower, slippery with the oil, Cas gasps, his body tensing automatically. Dean backs off immediately, one hand rubbing soothingly at the back of his neck and the other settling reassuringly at his waist. "Take a deep breath," he instructs softly. He waits for Cas to obey, looking up at him. "Good. Now talk to me."

"Sorry," he mutters, flushing.

Dean shushes him softly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I just need to know what you're feeling."

"Just…surprised me, that's all. I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" he asks. "We don't have to. You can safeword. I won't be mad."

Cas nearly growls at him. "I'm sure, I promise. I trust you."

Dean smiles at that, brushing his hair back lightly. "Good. I'm not going to hurt you. I want you to relax and breathe." His fingers continue to press into his back until Cas recaptures his relaxed state. "Look at me, Cas," he murmurs. His fingers slip lower again to circle at the puckered flesh, and this time he doesn't pull away when Cas tenses, just continues circling and holds his gaze calmly until he takes a breath and relaxes again. "Good boy," he murmurs, and something warm spreads through Cas' chest at the pride in the words. "How do you feel now?"

"G-Good, Sir," he breathes. For a moment he panics at the idea of what he's doing, and he looks away, only to be reminded at the sting when Dean's hand comes down across his skin again. For some reason the reminder settles his nerves, and Dean smiles when he takes a deeper breath. "So good, for me, Cas," Dean murmurs, starting to kiss and nip along his jaw and neck, not protesting when Cas' forehead falls to his shoulder. He continues that way for what feels to Cas like a long time, the pressure of his finger slowly increasing. Cas pants softly against his neck, his hips rolling slightly as he listens to Dean's murmured praise and encouragements. Suddenly, the sensation changes as Cas' body yields to the light pressure, and he gasps, jerking away from it. Dean must anticipate this, because his hand moves with him, his other arm wrapping around his waist, stilling his movement. "Shh, it's alright, you're okay," he soothes. "Cas, look at me." Slowly, wide eyes meet his patient gaze. "Did it hurt?" he asks calmly. Cas swallows and shakes his head, trying to control the shaking that's started in his limbs. "Okay. Are you in pain right now?" Dean continues.

He has to think for a moment to get beyond his fear. It's definitely uncomfortable, but he can't honestly say that it's painful. "N-No…"

"Okay. So you're fine, right? If I promised I wouldn't hurt you, and you're through the hardest part, and you're not in pain, why are you scared?"

Cas considers it, but can't come up with an answer. "I-I don't know."

Dean smiles encouragingly. "Well then there's not much point to being scared if you don't have a reason, is there? You know I wouldn't do anything bad to you, right?" Cas nods. "Okay. Then take a couple of deep breaths and try to relax. You're fine. I'm right here. You're safe. I'm not going to move until you're ready." Gradually, the knot inside Cas' chest loosens, and he breathes a little easier, letting the smooth movements of Dean's hand over his skin soothe the trembling. Hesitantly, he starts to sit back, stopping when Dean's hand stays in place. It takes him a minute to realize the reason; that Dean is letting him do this at his own pace, and suddenly he can't remember why he'd ever doubted him. Slowly, he eases himself back onto Dean's finger, pausing every time his breaths get too shallow. It takes a long time, but eventually he shifts fully back onto Dean's lap, sighing softly at the new sensation. Dean grins widely, free hand stroking his cheek lightly. "Good boy," he murmurs. "I'm proud of you. How does it feel now?"

"Still kind of strange, but not bad."

Dean nods, leaning closer, licking a line up his collarbone and sucking hard at the pulse in his neck. Cas gasps softly, his grip on Dean's shoulders tightening as Dean carefully withdraws his finger almost all the way, then gently eases back in. His hand drops to wrap around Cas' shaft, stroking slowly. Cas' hips jerk at the touch, which causes him to press back against Dean's finger, and a low moan escapes him at the combined sensation. He shifts again, whimpering when it brushes against something inside him. Dean chuckles softly. "Not so weird now, is it?"

Cas shakes his head. "Good," he gasps out as Dean repeats the motion.

"Good," he answers. His hand leaves Cas' cock, and he shushes the whine of protest before replacing it with Cas' own hand, then steadies him with a hand at his lower back as he slowly increases the movement of his other hand. When Cas looks up, Dean is watching him with a strange sort of fascination. "You're beautiful," he murmurs when he notices Cas' confusion, a slow grin spreading across his face. "I wish you could see yourself." Cas feels his cheeks burn, imagining what he might look like, but Dean just smiles and moves faster, and soon he can't really think about anything except how good it feels to have Dean's hands on him like this and the fantastically dirty things being whispered into his ear.

Cas whimpers at the hand that finds its way into his hair, tugging lightly. "Dean…"

"Hmm?" he answers, nipping above his collar.

Cas shouts as his finger drags over the spot again. "Dean!"

Dean chuckles, low and warm in his ear. "Good boy. Cum."

He shudders hard, collapsing against Dean's chest as the waves of pleasure roll over him. Dean eases him through it, holding him securely as he trembles. "I'm so proud of you Cas," he murmurs, gently combing his hair back. "You're so incredible you know that?" Cas groans softly as he carefully eases his finger free. "Shh, I know baby," he soothes. "Let's go clean you up, okay?" He doesn't answer, but his grip tightens around Dean's neck, so he carefully picks him up, setting them both in the warm bath. Cas sighs softly, his cheek pressed over Dean's heart, and Dean smiles, kissing the crown of his head. "You doing okay?" Cas nods. "Good. I'm going to take this off now, okay?" he murmurs, his fingers lightly stroking over the collar. Cas whimpers softly, and Dean's hold on him tightens. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He nods again, and Dean carefully unfastens the clasp, setting it aside and gently running a washcloth over his flushed skin.

Cas takes a deep breath, looking up at him, and Dean smiles, tilting his chin up to kiss him softly. "Hi," he whispers.

"Hi," Dean chuckles. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," Cas murmurs. "Really good."

Dean nods kissing him again. "I'm glad. No pain?" Cas shakes his head. "Good. You'll probably be a little sore later, but nothing we can't handle. Is it okay if I stay tonight?"

Cas nods automatically, then pauses. "Why?"

"Well, partly because I like staying," Dean grins, "But mostly because I have a feeling you're going to drop pretty hard, and I want to be here if you do."

He nods, watching him for a minute. "You look concerned."

Dean smiles, kissing his cheek. "Just thinking. It can be…dangerous, if it's not handled right. It'll be easier if I'm here to help you through it."

"What if you can't be?" Cas asks.

"That's exactly why I'm going to teach you what to do in case I can't. But later. We have a couple of hours before we need to worry about it, and I'd like to spend them just like this." Cas grins, nodding and allowing Dean to help him dry off. Once back on the couch he presses close into his side, leaning up to kiss him again.

"Hey Dean?" he asks. "Why didn't you keep going?"

"One step at a time," Dean chuckles. "Besides, when we finally get there, you won't be wearing your collar. Not the first time, at least." Cas blushes at that, and Dean smiles. "I'm so proud of you, Cas."

"Why?" he asks. "I didn't do anything. Actually, I kind of freaked out on you."

Dean chuckles. "You did plenty. And that's alright. I'm proud because you told me you have a hard time trusting people and letting them close enough to do anything. That looked a lot like trust to me."

Slowly, a smile sneaks across Cas' face. "I guess you're right." He pauses, thinking. "I do trust you, Dean. I know that probably doesn't make sense, but I just…feel like I can. I've never felt like that before."

"Why do you think you feel like that?" Dean asks.

Cas considers it for a moment. "Because I've given you every chance to hurt me, and you haven't," he answers finally. "You showed up in my apartment one day, and I let you tie me up and blindfold me, and…you came back. You take care of me. I don't really have a reason not to trust you."

Dean smiles, gently tipping his chin up to kiss him softly. "Thank you. I appreciate that. I won't let you down." Cas smiles, snuggling up against his chest. His hand drifts slowly down Dean's stomach and along his thigh, making him shiver. "Cas…?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

Cas grins, a picture of innocence. "Nothing…" Dean swallows so loudly he can hear it, closing his eyes for a minute. "I really did enjoy it," Cas murmurs. "You're so good to me."

"Y-You don't have to, Cas," he answers, his voice hitching as Cas' fingers brush lightly over him.

"I know. I want to. Is that okay?" Dean nods, his jaw slackening when Cas gives a long, slow stroke. He sighs softly, his head tilting to the side as Cas presses soft kisses along his neck and shoulder. I get to watch you for a change," he chuckles, watching Dean shiver as his thumb passes over the head. "It's kind of nice." He nips at the pulse in Dean's neck as his head falls back against the couch, then ducks to lick over one pink nipple. Dean gives a strangled groan, his hips rising slightly to meet Cas' hand. "You're beautiful, Dean," he murmurs, receiving only soft gasps in response.

Not pausing in his touch, he moves to kneel between Dean's knees watching the ecstasy play across his face before sucking a dark bruise onto Dean's inner thigh. Dean startles at the sudden change, but his knees fall wider, and Cas smiles at the sharp intake of breath that answers his soft nips at the sensitive skin. He takes a breath, lightly running the flat of his tongue up the long vein on the underside from base to tip, and Dean's hips jerk, one hand finding its way into his hair. Encouraged, he sits up on his knees, wrapping his lips around the head and sucking gently, pleased with the low moan that rumbles out of Dean's chest. He takes his time, experimenting with different movements and pressure until Dean is panting and flushed, the fingers in his hair clenched tight, leaving a pleasant tingle along Cas' scalp. Remembering Dean's own actions, he carefully teases at the slit with the tip of his tongue, delighted at the loud moan that escapes him. He pulls away for a moment, and Dean whimpers, squirming. "Look at me, Dean," he murmurs, smiling when the deep green eyes settle on him. Very deliberately, he teases along the underside with his tongue, then quickly swallows him down, and Dean shouts, his fingers pulling tighter in Cas' hair as his abs clench with the effort of staying in control. He whimpers again when Cas moans around him at the sight.

"Cas…" he breathes, "You might want to stop now…" Cas is fairly sure he understands, considering the little rolls Dean's hips are giving, but he doesn't want to stop, and it certainly doesn't seem like Dean wants him to either. He hums a little in response, and Dean gasps sharply, pushed over the edge. He swears he hears his name somewhere in the moan that accompanies his release, and if the light trembling in his thighs is anything to go by, he supposes he wasn't too terrible. He waits until Dean is finished before swallowing, savoring the taste that's decidedly Dean before gently licking him clean, committing this image to memory and purring at the hand that strokes through his hair. "Jesus Christ, Cas," he pants, pulling him up from the floor and into his lap.

His hand drops to the back of Cas' neck to pull him in for a kiss, but Cas hesitates. "Dean, I just…"

"I know," he laughs breathlessly. "Fuck, I know." Cas grins, kissing him softly, and Dean opens willingly as he cautiously licks into his mouth. He moans into the kiss, tasting himself on Cas' tongue, and Cas moans back softly. "What happened to being a blushing virgin?" he chuckles, resting his forehead against Cas'.

"What can I say?" Cas grins. "You're pretty good inspiration."

Dean sighs happily, capturing his lips again while he catches his breath. "You still feeling alright?" he asks when they pull apart. Cas nods, kissing along his jaw. "Good. Then let's talk." Cas listens carefully as Dean explains the finer points of sub drop and what he should do if he finds himself alone when it happens. Cas frowns, and Dean strokes his cheek lightly. "What's wrong?"

"You're…going to be here, right?" he asks cautiously.

Dean smiles, kissing him softly to erase his frown. "Of course, baby. I will be here for it as often as I possibly can, especially now when you're still new at this. It's nothing to be nervous about. This is just a precaution, so that I know you know what to do if I'm not here for some reason. Don't worry. I'm going to take care of you." Cas smiles, nodding and kissing him back. "Come on, it's late. Let's go to bed." 

* * *

><p>He knows something is off when he wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He glances over at Dean, still asleep, and suddenly a crushing feeling of shame and doubt explodes through his chest. Every doubt he's ever had about Dean and their relationship comes rushing back all at once, and he can't seem to remember how to breathe anymore. A part of him wants to wake Dean up, to have him say that he's wrong, but a larger part of him is too afraid that he might be right. Dean can't possibly love him. He's going to do something wrong, and Dean is going to leave, and then where will he be? How could he be so naïve to think that this could be real?<p>

By the time Dean wakes up he's worked himself into a full-blown panic attack, complete with hyperventilating and uncontrollable shaking, and he's also managed to fall to the floor beside the bed. Dean shakes himself out of sleep, confused for a moment before he curses under his breath. He jumps up, kneeling on the floor in front of him. "Cas? Cas!" He sighs, taking a breath. "Castiel, look at me." Startled, Cas looks up, eyes wide and terrified, from his curled up position on the floor. "Cas, talk to me. I'm right here. Tell me what's upsetting you."

"You're…going…to…leave!" he chokes out, near hysterical in between big gasps.

"Baby, no," he murmurs, keeping his voice calm. "I'm right here. I'm not leaving you. You have to calm down, okay?" He reaches out, relieved when Cas doesn't pull away from his touch, but grabs onto him, burrowing into his chest. Dean holds him tightly, softly stroking his hair. "I'm not going anywhere sweetheart. I love you too much to leave. Cas, you gotta take a deep breath for me, okay? You're only feeling this way because you're dropping. It will stop, but you have to calm down. You're okay. I'm here. I've got you. Just breathe for me." Slowly, he leans closer, softly pressing their lips together. It's wet and salty and desperate, but it seems to shock Cas out of his panic enough to take a more normal breath. "Good. Just breathe. You're safe. I'm not leaving. Understand?"

Slowly, Cas nods, hiding his face against Dean's shirt and breathing his scent in deeply, letting it calm his racing heart. Dean continues murmuring softly, gently rubbing along his spine until he relaxes. "I'm s-sorry," he stutters after a while, his breaths still hitching uncontrollably.

"Shh, you have nothing to apologize for," he says softly, gently pulling his chin up and wiping away the wet trails on his cheeks. "I should have woken up sooner. Are you alright?"

"I t-think s-so," Cas whispers, still clutching at Dean's shirt with shaking fingers. "I s-should have realized it was j-just…You said it might…"

"It's not your fault, baby," Dean assures him. "It happens. Talking about it and feeling it are two different things. I need you to look at me for a moment, because what I'm about to say is very important, alright?" Cas looks up, wide-eyed. "I am never, under any circumstances, going to abandon you," Dean murmurs. "It's very important that you understand that. Do you understand?" Slowly, Cas' shoulders drop, and he nods. "Good. Let's get you up. We'll clean you up and talk about this a little, okay?"

Carefully, his pulls Cas to his feet, keep him steady against his chest and walking him into the bathroom. The cold, wet cloth feels good against his flushed face and the back of his neck, and he sighs, leaning into Dean's gentle hands. "You wanna tell me what happened?" he asks softly, handing him a glass of water.

"I guess it just got out of control," he mumbles, looking away. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to me," Dean answers. "I just want to know what happened so that we can make sure this won't happen again." He nudges his shoulder gently, motioning to the glass. "Drink. You'll be glad you did in the morning. So what started it?"

"I woke up feeling weird. I think I had a nightmare, but I don't remember it," Cas starts, taking a sip of water. Dean nods encouragingly, hugging him close. "And then I just felt so…embarrassed about what I'd done, and I started thinking that there was no way you could possibly care about me, and then I got scared that I'd do something wrong and you'd leave. And from there it kind of…got away from me."

Dean nods thoughtfully. "Why didn't you wake me up like I told you to?"

"I thought about it," Cas admits. "But then I thought you might confirm all my fears and leave, and I just couldn't deal with that. I should have woken you up before it got so bad."

He feels Dean press a soft kiss to his temple. "I should have stayed up. When you fell asleep I thought you'd sleep through the worst of it like last time. I'm sorry."

Cas shakes his head. "No, it wasn't your fault. I just need to work on it a little. I'm okay." He pauses, thinking. "Did you really…mean what you said before? You…love me?"

Dean feels his face heat up, ducking his head. "Yeah, of course. I know it's kind of early, but…you needed a reason to hold on to, to convince you I wasn't leaving. Why not the truth?"

Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss him softly. "Thank you. That helps."

"Good. How are you feeling now?"

"Still kind of down," he answers after a moment. "But not scared anymore."

Dean smiles. "Good. I want you to try something. Before you go to bed every night, take your collar out and leave it on your nightstand."

"How will that help?" Cas asks, puzzled.

Dean grins. "You haven't looked on the inside?" He leads Cas back into the bedroom, pulling the collar from its box and flipping it over. On the inside, stitched in the same silver thread as his initials, is the word _Mine_. "This way, if you wake up doubting my desire to be with you, you'll see it and remember how much you mean to me."

Cas smiles, pulling him down to kiss him again. "Thank you."

"You need rest," he murmurs. "Ready to try getting some sleep again?"

Cas nods, carefully setting the collar down before climbing into bed and pressing up against Dean's chest. "I'm really glad you're here," he whispers, sighing softly.

"I'll always be here," Dean murmurs back, kissing his forehead softly. "Sweet dreams, Cas." 

* * *

><p><strong>Woohoo! I love reading all your comments, so remember to leave a review if you liked it!<strong>

**Love,**

**TheSongSmith**


	4. Chapter 4

Cas wakes with his back pressed tightly to Dean's chest, an arm flung over his waist and soft breaths ticking the back of his neck. He smiles, enjoying the warmth and tracing light patterns into Dean's skin until he starts to stir. The arm around his waist tightens for a moment, and then there's soft lips pressed against his neck. "Morning," Dean murmurs, his voice rough with sleep. How you feeling?"

"I'm okay," Cas answers softly. "You?"

"I'm good," Dean sighs, kissing the back of his neck. "Sore yet?"

Cas shrugs. "Don't know. Haven't moved."

He chuckles, pressing tighter against him. "That sounds like a good plan."

Cautiously, Cas stretches and turns to face him. "You're very beautiful in the morning," he grins.

Dean laughs. "I think you're lying to me."

"I'm doing no such thing. You're all gravelly and warm. It's very sexy." He leans in, kissing Dean softly.

"I'm glad you like it," Dean smiles. Cas just hums in response, closing his eyes again. He feels the hand at his back slide slowly over the curve of his ass to the back of his thigh, pulling it to rest over Dean's before gently kneading the muscles. He moans softly into the pillow, hearing Dean chuckle. "Right there?" He nods, sighing softly as Dean captures his lips again, letting him guide the slow, sweet kiss. He whimpers as Dean's teeth tug lightly at his bottom lip.

"Not fair," Cas sighs, planting soft kisses along his collarbone.

"What's not fair?" Dean murmurs, the hand on his thigh slipping down to massage the other one.

"That you can do this to me so easily," Cas grins. He gently coaxes Dean's head back, sucking and biting softly at his throat and smiling at the soft moan.

"You mean this?" Dean asks teasingly, his hand sliding up to brush against Cas' already half-hard cock.

Cas gasps, sucking a bruise at Dean's throat. "Yes," he growls.

Dean chuckles, stroking him slowly. "It's all your fault. Here I was, just trying to give you a nice massage, and you have to be all sexy and adorable. See what you did?" He shifts, pressing his own hardness against Cas' stomach.

Cas laughs, slipping his hand between them and rubbing his thumb over the head softly. "We're hopeless, aren't we?"

"There are worse things," Dean grins back.

When they've both caught their breath, Dean pulls Cas into the shower, gently lathering shampoo into his hair. "You still thinking about the stuff you said last night?" he asks softly. Cas just shrugs. "It's okay to think about it sometimes," he murmurs.

"You think so?" Cas asks, looking up at him.

"Yeah. I mean, this is kind of a big deal. It makes sense to worry about getting hurt sometimes. Just as long as you're not worried about it all the time. You know, I meant what I said. Regardless of what happens, I'm never just going to abandon you like that. You don't have to be afraid of doing something wrong. You're learning. Hell, we're both learning. I'm not just going to up and leave you because you don't know everything there is to know."

Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss him softly. "I know, Dean. I understand. It's okay. I promise I don't worry about it all the time. Last night it just…spun out of control. On any normal day, I know."

Dean nods, tugging him closer. "Good. Want to go to the park with me today? We can have a picnic. It'll be fun." Cas groans, and he laughs. "Come on, it'll be good to get out for a while. It's your day off."

Cas considers it for a moment. "Can we cuddle a little while longer first?"

"Of course," Dean chuckles.

"Then okay."

When they make it to the park, Dean sets out a blanket, and they sit together quietly to enjoy their lunch. "You were right," Cas smiles, leaning against Dean's shoulder. "This is nice." Dean smiles back, pulling him closer and kissing him softly. It's peaceful until harsh voices pull them out of their little world, spitting hateful words as they pass along the path. Cas feels Dean tense, hears the growl that escapes his chest as he rises angrily off the ground as if to follow them. He grabs Dean's shoulder before he can get far. "Hey, relax. Dean it's not worth it."

This does nothing to stop the harsh, angry breaths coming from him as he stares after them. Cas shifts to stand in front of him, waiting until Dean's gaze reluctantly shifts to him. "But, Cas…"

"I know," he interrupts. "It's not right. But we're having a nice day and I'm not going to let hateful people like that ruin it. They're gone. Please, just take a breath and sit down with me."

Dean sighs, nodding and closing his eyes for a minute. "Sorry," he mutters. "I'm just…kind of sensitive about that stuff."

Cas nods, kissing his cheek softly as they both sit down again. "It's okay, I understand. It's terrible that there's still people like that out there. But we don't have to let them get to us. Not today, at least."

He nods, finishing lunch, though he still seems a little bit distracted. He waits until they've laid back on the blanket, staring up at the sky before he says anything. "It was my dad," he murmurs, so low Cas almost misses it.

"What was?" he asks, sitting up on his elbows.

"The first person who called me that," he explains, looking away. "Said no son of his was going to be a fag. He was drunk, and we argued, and it got physical. Sammy was off at college by then, and I'd only stayed for him. So I left. I went to live with my Uncle Bobby for a while. I guess that's why I get so mad about it."

Cas frowns. "Oh, Dean…"

"No," Dean interrupts, shaking his head. "It's fine, it's just…I figured you should know, why I got so angry."

"So that's why you always look sad when you talk about him."

Dean nods, sitting up and looking over the grass for a few minutes. "We were kinda close before. I never told Sammy about the argument. I made up some other reason we weren't talking. He had his own issues with our dad; I didn't want to fuel that fire. I just stayed away as much as possible. But it sucked. Eventually I just figured if he couldn't accept me the way I was, I didn't need him in my life. Sammy never had a problem with it. I had him. That's all I needed."

Cas nods slowly, putting his hand over Dean's and squeezing lightly. "I'm glad you had your brother. I have a couple of older brothers who had the same reaction. But Gabriel, as annoying as he can be, always stuck by me. And I have a sister too, who didn't care." He smiles softly. "And now I have you. And you have me. I think we're doing pretty well."

Finally, Dean cracks a small smile. "Yeah, I guess we are. Thanks." He pulls Cas against his chest, seeming to relax as he kisses him softly. They sit quietly for a while longer before packing up. Dean looks over at Cas as they walk slowly back. "You doing okay?"

"I'm fine Dean," Cas smiles. "Don't worry so much."

He nods. "Easier said than done," he chuckles. He pauses outside Cas' building, frowning. "You gonna be alright tonight? Want me to stay?"

"I always want you to stay, but you have to go home sometime, Dean," Cas smiles. "I'll be okay. And if I'm not I know what to do, and I promise I'll call you. I learned my lesson. I can handle it."

Reluctantly, Dean nods. "Even if it's the middle of the night-" he starts.

"You don't mind being woken up," Cas finishes. "I know. Why are you so worried?"

Dean shrugs. "I'm sort of fond of you. I don't like the idea of you being upset. It goes against my protective instincts."

"I'm sort of fond of you too," Cas chuckles, kissing him softly. "And I appreciate your protective instincts, but don't lose sleep over it, okay? I swear I'll call you if there's a problem, but I'm really okay."

"Okay," he nods, kissing him again. "Goodnight." He turns to go, but stops and pivots back. "Hey Cas? Why don't you come over to my place after work tomorrow? I'll cook."

Cas grins from the doorway. "I'd love to. I'll see you around seven."

When Cas arrives at Dean's apartment, he can hear classic rock through the door. He knocks and the music softens, followed by a shout to come in. He enters slowly, looking around as he follows the noise into the kitchen, where Dean stands at the stove juggling a number of pots and pans. "Hey!" he greets cheerfully, leaning in to kiss him softly. "Hope today went better than your last day of work."

"Thankfully it did, though I'm still glad it's Friday," Cas chuckles. He holds up the bag he brought with him. "You're developing quite the collection of clothes at my house. Thought you might want some of them back. Though I will admit to keeping your sweatshirt. It's comfortable."

Dean laughs. "If you like it that much, it's yours. Thanks for bringing them." Something on the stove splatters, and he yelps as it hits his arm. "Hey, would you mind dropping those in the bedroom for me? Go straight back to the hallway and make a left, and it's the first door on the right." Cas nods, taking in the rest of the apartment on his way, and by the time he gets to the hallway he can't remember if it's the door on the right or the left. He reaches for the one on the left, then freezes in the doorway, shocked by what's inside. Definitely not the bedroom; something he might call a dungeon if it wasn't so warm and inviting. Lining the walls and shelves are every tool he could possibly fantasize about and a few he doesn't even have a faint idea of, meticulously organized around the periphery. The middle of the room is taken up by several structures of various forms, all covered in soft brown leather that he can't help but run his fingers over. He knows he should back out and close the door, but a larger part of him wants nothing more than to examine every piece and guess at name or function, which is exactly what he ends up doing. He must be gone longer than he thinks, because he's suddenly started out of his thoughts by a low chuckle. "So that's where you disappeared to."

Cas can feel the blush creeping into his face, and he whirls around to find Dean standing in the doorway, smirking at him. "S-Sorry," he manages, looking like he's been caught at the scene of a crime, "I couldn't remember if you said right or left, and I just…"

Dean just laughs, stepping further into the room. "Nothing wrong with being curious. So what do you think?"

Cas considers it for a moment, glancing around. "Why haven't we been doing things in here?" he asks finally.

"Well, I guess there's a couple of reasons. Firstly, I thought it would be a little overwhelming for you, and I didn't want to do that. And secondly, I figured it would be much easier for you to relax if we started things on your home turf instead of mine, especially since you were nervous to begin with. One step at a time. So do you like it?"

Cas nods slowly, and Dean looks around with him as if seeing it for the first time. "More than I thought I would." He hesitates, biting his lip for a moment. "So you do this a lot, then? Enough to have a…dungeon, at least?"

Dean chuckles. "I don't really consider it a dungeon, per se. More of a playroom I guess. And no. I like collecting things, but you're the first person I've done anything like this with in a long time. No one else has ever been in here, actually. I needed a place to put my collection, and I needed a good summer project. I built it myself."

"It's beautiful," Cas murmurs. "Do you think you'd ever want to use it?"

"If it's something you'd like to do," Dean smiles. "We don't have to, but I'm open to sharing it with you when we're ready."

"I think I'd like that," he smiles.

Dean grins. "Good. Now come on. Dinner's getting cold."

After dinner they sit on the couch, sipping from wine glasses as they trade stories about work and family. Dean tells Cas more about his father, including what Bobby, who owns the garage Dean works in, did to him when Dean showed up at his house with a black eye. "Bobby was livid," he chuckles. "I remember he opened the door, and I was just standing there in the snow, and he asked me if I was going to come inside or just stare at him all night. I said he probably wanted to know why I was there before he invited me inside. I was preparing myself for him to just slam the door in my face, and I couldn't even say anything for a minute. And finally I just blurted it out and told him I'm gay."

"What did he say?" Cas asks softly.

"Nothing, for a minute. And then he just looked at me like I was stupid and told me to get my ass in the house before I froze to death. I know it sounds harsh, but that's kind of how he shows affection. I was so surprised that I asked if he was sure." Cas chuckles. "He didn't answer that, just stood there and waited until I came inside. He was very quiet for a minute, and then he asked if my dad was the one who gave me that shiner. I just nodded, and he nodded back. And then I turned around and Ellen was there, and I guess she'd heard the whole thing. She was crying, and the only time I've ever seen her do that was when her husband died, and even then it was very rare. She just hugged me and told me that I wasn't alone. And I just broke down. I haven't cried like that since I was five. But for the first time in so long I felt safe. And she just waited patiently and cleaned me up when I was done and we had dinner."

Cas nods, squeezing his hand gently. "Did you ever see your dad again?"

"Yeah. He showed up the next day, still angry and wanting to fight with me. I guess he figured that's where I'd go. He demanded to see me, and Bobby didn't even say anything; just punched him straight in the face and told him to get the hell off the property. I've never seen my dad so shocked in my life. Bobby told him that if he wasn't willing to get his head out of his ass long enough to love his son, then he wasn't welcome."

"That must have meant a lot to you," Cas murmurs, pressing closer against his side.

Dean nods. "It did. For as long as I could remember, I was always the protector. I had to be, for Sammy. No one had ever stood up for me before. They may be kind of weird, but they're my family."

Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "They obviously love you very much. I'm glad someone stood up for you."

"What about you?" Dean asks curiously. "You said you had a hard time too."

"That's a long story."

"We've got time," Dean encourages gently. "If you want to, I mean."

"My family is…complicated," Cas explains. "My parents are very powerful people in certain circles. We grew up very wealthy, but none of us were at all happy. I know I really shouldn't complain, and that there are people who have things much worse, but I was so miserable and scared for so long…we always had to be perfect. Image was everything in my family, and there was so much pressure to live up to the image my parents wanted. Several of my older brothers were good at being perfect. But I'd never been able to do that. I was always a disappointment." Dean kisses his temple, staying quiet. "The biggest threat in my family was that noncompliance meant being cut off. And as uncomfortable as I was in my family, I was terrified of being on my own. They had us convinced that we could never make it on our own. And, I'm ashamed to say that I let them dictate my life for a long time. I dated girls from wealthy families, even though I knew I wasn't attracted to them. I kept my dreams of teaching to myself and went to business school at a prominent university. I refused to tell anybody how anxious and depressed I was. I was emotionally isolated and shut down. I acted like everything was okay, because that's what I was supposed to do."

Dean's arm tightens around his shoulders. "So what changed?"

"I had a nervous breakdown in the middle of my sophomore year, and ended up in the psych ward at the local hospital," Cas explains. "When a doctor said they were going to call my parents I had a panic attack so bad they had to sedate me. They definitely wouldn't be happy if the papers picked up a story about their son being crazy. When I woke up there was a psychologist there. She said her name was Charlie, and that she wanted to help me. I was so lonely and scared that I just exploded. I told her everything. And she just asked me why, if my family made me so afraid and upset, I was so desperate to stay on good terms with them. And all of a sudden I just realized that…she was right. I was so afraid of their disappointment that I was being someone I didn't even recognize anymore."

Dean makes a sad noise, holding him closer. "That's awful."

"It was," Cas agrees. "But it made me recognize that I needed to change things. I knew my parents would never allow me to see a therapist. They'd deny my problems as long as they could. But Charlie offered to see me anyway. So I went to see her a couple of times a week to figure things out. We came up with a plan to take my life back. I started working part time, and I set up a bank account separate from my parents and moved into a tiny apartment. I abandoned the business program and switched to a double major in education and English. It took a long time, but after a while I learned to accept myself the way I was. I went on a date with a boy for the first time. And when my father called and asked why my transcripts said I was taking English and education classes, I told him everything. That I was going to become a teacher, and that I was seeing a psychologist, and that I was gay and refusing to hide myself any longer."

"Damn," Dean murmurs. "I'm sure he wasn't happy about that."

"He wasn't. At first he tried to command me to go back to business school and forget about what he called my 'perverse homosexual thoughts'. I told him I wasn't going to let him bully me into being someone I'm not anymore. Then he tried threatening to pull financial support, and I told him that I'd been working and that I didn't need it. He didn't know what to say to that. I think he expected me to cower again like I had before. None of us had ever spoken to him so confidently and calmly. So, finally, he just told me that if I wasn't going to live under his rules, then I shouldn't come home. I said I wasn't planning on it, and I hung up."

Dean sighs softly. "I gotta hand it to you, Cas. That took a lot of courage."

He nods slowly. "It did. And it was scary. But Charlie helped me understand that my life was much more important than living up to my family's impossible expectations. I have no doubt that if I hadn't started seeing her, it would have killed me. I was depressed and anxious and angry, and I know I would have made some bad choices if things had gone on much longer. I'd thought about it before. The second I hung up that phone, I felt so relieved and happy. I was finally free from all the pressure, and I didn't have to be ashamed of who I was anymore. I never looked back. No amount of money or prestige is worth that kind of pain. She helped me realize that a true family wouldn't force me to be someone I'm not. Love shouldn't be conditional."

"I can't even imagine," Dean murmurs. "I mean, my dad was an asshole, but that's just…emotional torture. I'm really glad you got help when you did. Did the rest of your family stop talking to you too?"

"Most of them," Cas explains. "Most of my siblings had adopted my father's moral compass. I haven't heard from Raphael, Michael, or Lucifer in years. But a couple of days after the phone call, Gabriel and Anna showed up at my door. They'd found out what my father said to me and decided to rebel. They told me that he'd offered them money not to disgrace the family name any further, and they'd told him that no amount of money was worth turning your back on family. I'm very grateful for their support. Just because I was free from my family's pressure didn't mean I was free from the problems it caused. You've seen some of the effects yourself, and I'm two hundred percent better than I used to be. But I'm happy. I've never regretted my decision."

Dean nods. "How long did you see your doctor? Do you still see her?"

"I had regular appointments with her for several years after I left my family. It took a long time to learn how to be myself. It was years before I was comfortable expressing emotion around anyone. In more recent years I've seen her a few times, when I've felt I needed to. She's made it clear that I'm always welcome, and we talk fairly often. After all of that, she's become a close friend." Dean makes a thoughtful sound, frowning. "What?" Cas asks.

"Nothing," he answers. "I just…I was proud of you before, but knowing how far you've come…I can't even imagine how hard it must have been to let me in like this. I'm just…completely awe-struck. You're amazing."

Cas smiles, kissing him softly. "You're no less amazing than me. Your life might have been different than mine, but it was just as hard. Your father replaced emotions with violence, and I know how cautious you are not to do the same. You're so careful with me, and you're protective of your family. It's really remarkable." He hesitates for a moment, frowning. "Dean? This isn't going to be an issue, is it? I know a lot of people are…uncomfortable with it."

"No!" Dean says quickly. "Not at all. Believe me, I get it. We all have our demons, and you seem to have a very healthy handle on yours. It doesn't change anything. It definitely helps me understand some things, but I don't think of you any differently. Thank you for telling me. Now that I know this, I have a better idea of how to help you and make sure you don't have another episode like the other night. Will you promise me something?"

"What is it?" Cas asks cautiously.

"Nothing bad. It's just that communication is very important here. I'm happy to hear you say that you still see Charlie when you need to. I'm glad that you have someone you can talk to that you trust. I'd just really like you to promise me that you'll let me know if you feel like you need to see her. I'm not asking for you to discuss whatever it is with me if you don't want to. I just want to support you, in the bad times too, and I certainly don't want to hurt you in any way." Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss him softly. "What's that for?" Dean asks, puzzled.

"Just for being you. I'll do my best to let you know if I want to see her." He pauses. "I'd like you to meet her one day."

"Are you sure?" Dean asks. "I completely understand if you want to keep that relationship between you and her. That's okay."

Cas shakes his head. "I'm sure. She's already asking about you."

Dean chuckles, then frowns, thinking. "Cas? What if…she tells you not to continue with our relationship?"

"Why would she do that?" Cas frowns.

"Well, it's…complicated. A lot of people who don't have experience with D/s relationships think that they're…unhealthy, or abusive. That it's about…demeaning you in some way."

Cas smiles, kissing his cheek. "She doesn't think that, Dean. She's…different than most people. That's why I decided to talk to her. And even if she did think that, I wouldn't listen. I know the truth. You don't abuse me or make me feel like less than you, and you're nearly fanatical about my well-being. Regardless of what anyone says, this is my choice."

Dean nods, relieved, and hugs him tightly. "Okay. And I'd love to meet her one day. You should come by the garage one day and meet Bobby."

"Now that makes me nervous," Cas chuckles. "Though I do suppose I have a couple of things to thank him for. Charlie will be thrilled. She's been bothering me about meeting you since I mentioned you in an email."

Dean chuckles, pouring them each another glass of wine. "I can't wait." In another hour, Cas is fast asleep against Dean's shoulder. Dean chuckles, carefully picking him up and carrying him to the bedroom. He sets him down gently, trying not to disturb him as he unbuttons the white dress shirt and removes his shoes and socks. Leaning him against his own chest, he carefully pulls the undershirt over his head. Cas grumbles, insistently pressing closer and making him laugh. "Baby? You awake?"

"Hmm?" he answers sleepily.

"Have you been awake this whole time?" he chuckles, quickly undoing the buckle of his belt. Cas gives him a sleepy grin, kicking his pants the rest of the way off and then tugging at Dean's shirt, whining irritably. "I know, I know," Dean laughs. "It's coming off." He watches Dean strip, grinning cheekily as he slips his own boxers off. Dean rolls his eyes playfully. "You must be really exhausted." He tries to climb into bed, but Cas stops him, whining again and tugging at his underwear. "Really? You want me to sleep naked too?" Cas just smiles, planting soft kisses above the waistband. He looks up at Dean questioningly, waiting for his nod before sliding them down and dropping them to the floor beside Cas'. "Happy now?" he asks.

He climbs into bed, and Cas climbs over him, capturing Dean's lips in a slow, sweet kiss. Dean's hands run down Cas' sides, brushing lightly over the swell of his ass and squeezing lightly until Cas settles on top of him, his hips dropping as he relaxes against Dean's chest, legs spread so that his knees rest outside Dean's thighs. Cas sighs softly at the feeling of Dean's skin pressed against his. "Is that really a comfortable position?" Dean chuckles. Cas just nods sleepily, pressing a soft kiss above his heart. 

* * *

><p><strong>Woohoo! So this version is finally caught up with the version on AO3! I<strong> **have the rest of my Supernatural** **stories up there too, so feel free to find me there, I have the same penname. Remember to review if you like!**

**Love,**

**TheSongSmith**


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